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Dead Men Walking

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Written by Cotter   
August 25, 2013 17:15

"It felt like we dominated in the first half but it was still 10-10." 

- Ryan Clark

What Ryan Clark is describing there is typically exactly how it feels when despite an otherwise solid performance, you've also shot yourself in the foot several times.

The 1st quarter saw the Steelers hold the Chiefs on three drives, the last two of which were a 9-yard drive that led to a clutch 4th down stop and in turn, 7 points for the Steelers offense, and a three-and-out, 3-yard drive.

The 2nd quarter saw Alex Smith (field general) go 60 yards in just one minute (aided by a cute 15-yard penalty on Troy) to tie the game 10-10 at the half, among other examples of the Chiefs "good fortune."

As Steeler fans, this has been an all too common occurence to witness over the last few seasons, albeit usually in real football games, and not preseason. And to some degree, every game is a series of ups and downs that you just have to endure while doing enough to come out on top. But while, yeah, it's still a meaningless game, it's a meaningless game in which they still frankly looked a little undisciplined.

I mean, I'm not going to waste an entire post picking out every little thing that could have gone better (for many reasons, not the least of which is that I didn't bother to watch the 2nd half). That, of course, would be a useless exercise, because a) I run an insignificant Steelers blog thats greatest contribution is probably photoshopping players heads on other peoples' bodies, and b) that's just generally not good form. However, after what was the most meaningful 60 (er, 30?) minutes of football we've seen in a solid eight months, I'm not going to pretend there weren't some annoying moments that had this been a real game, might've culminated in me shelling out muchos benjamins in order to replace the tv I just threw my beer through.

Let's be clear - neither you nor I are out there sweating blood every week in service of the black and gold, so you know, gotta excuse things somewhat. But, this isn't even necessarily about football. If I was at work, writing an otherwise sick-ass presentation, but one in which I forgot to include some key slides/points, or accidentally misspelled "luck" starting with the letter that falls between "e" and "g" in the alphabet, that wouldn't be considered a success, and I'd get shit for it.

Same general idea here.

So, pretty much what I'm getting at here is more of the same thing I've been saying for the last few weeks - forgive, but don't forget. A season full of games like that isn't an exciting prospect, unless you find unreal levels of rage and the threat of a possible coronary a God damned party or something. But at this point, the possibilities for this regular season are somewhat wide open. Remember, the AFC looked kind of like a pee wee league last season, so who knows?

Anyway, let's just get this out of the way now - OVERTIME!??!?!

Overtime. In preseason. Can they do that?

Like you, I can pretty much say that when I opened Twitter later Saturday night to see how things shook out, the last thing I expected to see was that the game was going into OT.

Andy Reid logic = some people are arguing we should get rid of August football altogether, so we should win this meaningless game!!

Ultimate troll move.

Some people have questioned why Reid would go for it on 4th and 1 at his own 21 yard line down by 3 in the 1st quarter, but not on 4th and 2 from the Steelers 31 with only about half the 4th quarter left on the clock, and down by 3.

Needless to say, I doubt we need to revisit the hot mess that is Andy Reid's game management record.

However, OFTOT has obtained inside information from anonymous sources that explains why ol' Andy chose not to go for it.


Turns out he was too busy trying to decide whether to get the Primanti's capicola and cheese with double meat or a Peppi's Roethlisburger after the game.

Hack joke on my part, I know.


Anyway, let's talk about some good stuff.

1) Jarvis Jones is a beast.

I wish someone had YouTubed the pain he brought on that guy on the Chiefs' second kick return.


Stone cold stunner.

Instead, I had to use that nightmare-inducing image of him needing help to be peeled off the turf (thank God by all accounts he's ok).

Note to the powers that be - under no circumstances should you let this guy play against Carolina.

In fact, get Hines Ward on the horn and see if you can't borrow his hyperbaric chamber for a couple of weeks.

You think I'm kidding.

Also, very important stuff here...

Let me know what you guys think in the comments.

2) Ben is still just a crazy gunslinger out there.

Maybe I've said it enough in the last six, seven years, but I'm not going to let that preclude me from saying it again - Big Ben is an unreal QB.

That's 242-pound, pro bowl linebacker Derrick Johnson he's tossing aside, you guys. Not some joke who spends most of his practice time holding Tamba Hali's sweaty jockstrap.

Ben has probably done this to like at least half of the best pass rushers in the league at this point, and the other half he just hasn't had an opportunity to humiliate yet.

I guess I may have put my feelings on the big guy best during the game...


Dat pass.

3) If they were on OK Cupid, I bet AB and Ben would be a 100% match.

Because their chemistry sure looks strong.

During the regular season, I would've been setting myself up for a layup of a photojob here, but you know, in August, no thank you.

Either way, loved seeing Ben hit Antonio for a 49-yarder on the second play of the game.

I can't wait to see more of that in the next four to five months.

4) Hi, Troy.

Bless his little heart - on 3rd and 1, Jamaal Charles was all like, "man, Troy Polamalu's lost a step, he ain't no thang."

And then Troy was all like...

All appendages that can be crossed are crossed, hoping we get to see this type of thing every week until February 3.

5) Ziggy Hood and Cam Heyward sacks in the same game?

I wish I could say I thought this was indicative of things to come, but honestly, who the hell knows?

Either way, I also wish Ziggy had busted this sick move again...

Top 5 all-time sack dance, without question.

Also heard Alan Baxter had two sacks. I know some people are watching this guy, and you pretty much have to love an undrafted guy flashing some talent. So...

Good work, dude! Keep grindin'!

And now, apropos of nothing, there's this picture...

I just think it's funny to see anyone getting chased by Willie Gay, although maybe we should get used to seeing this picture taken.

Shut up, William Gay apologists. We get it. Just let me have my jokes.

So, what we'll get come September 8 is still a little bit murky, but let's hope it's more of the above, and less penalties, poor protection, and all other counterproductive grabassery.

And, in conclusion, Miley Cyrus is a hoe.

I guess part of any teenage Disney star's contract is that you have to go full-on batshit at some point between the ages of 18 and 28.

Except Justin Timberlake.

Dude sold like a trillion records telling Britney Spears to go f*#@ herself. Gotta respect that.

Plus, this...

Sorry, guys, I'm no pop music aficionado, but this guy is a pro.


Least watchable game of the season coming up on Thursday night against Carolina.

Brace yourselves, I'm sure you'll have no fingernails left on Friday morning.


Here we go.

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

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