|Let's Have A Little Talk About Swagger...|
|Written by Cotter|
|November 05, 2011 17:01|
Now, you may not think of me as the world's foremost authority on Swagger.
As I'm sure you don't need to tell you, I've probably got about as much of it as a bag of Frito's.
Well, maybe that's an exaggeration, but put it this way - I'm no Ike Taylor.
Either way, let's talk about "swagger" for a moment, shall we?
There's a fine line between "swagger" and "overconfidence.'
Between "swagger" and "a false sense of security."
Between "swagger" and "being an a-hole."
The Baltimore Sun may like Terrell Suggs's mouth now (sidebar - how could anyone love that mouth, what with the Guinness world record for gum to teeth size differential), but how are they going to like it on Monday if the Steelers give it to the Ravens tomorrow night?
The ability to waste your breath regurgitating bullshit has never shown any correlation with winning.
At least not that I'm aware of...
What has, however, is preparation, dedication, hard work, determination - all of the things I have to assume the Steelers have been engaged in this week, getting ready for an epic duel of a match up that will take place in a matter of 24 hours or so.
Am I trying to say that the Ravens haven't done the same, in addition to one of them giving his jaws as much work as the rest of his body?
I couldn't really vouch for that.
All I am saying is, frankly, if my team had lost to the Jagoffs, and nearly lost to the Cardinals, my first instinct wouldn't be to write an entire column praising it getting its "swagger back."
However, I think the last line in that screen shot above is something we can all agree on...
God bless Terrell Suggs.
I'll bet that's exactly what the woman he poured bleach on thinks about him.
Oh, and one more thing about swagger...
Moving on to the situation at hand tomorrow night, unlike Baltimore's keyboard jockeys, I'm not willing to talk about this game as if it has already been won.
The fact is, this is the most crucial game on our schedule.
Gotta get at least one from the Ravens, because you know no matter what, they're going to be on our ass or vice versa in about a month/month and a half's time.
This one is going to be everything they say it's going to be.
Probably the most intense 60 minutes we're going to have seen yet this season.
So, make sure you take your heart medicine tomorrow, you may need it.
Now, with that, let the lecture begin.
In case you don't already know where I'm going with this - Joe Flacco is like a box of chocolates...
You never know what you're gonna get.
True story, the guy has either thrown for over 300 yards or less than 200 yards in every game this season except for Week 1 (I'm sure you don't need me to elaborate).
So, what are we going to see tomorrow?
How the hell should I know?
If I had the answer, I wouldn't be writing this blog for free.
Me llamo Ray Rice, and I'll be riding fantasy pine on Cotter's bench tomorrow night.
Also, Ricky Williams...
Dick Bills, if you will(iams).
There are no more weed jokes left to be made.
You hear that, internet?
Who else is there?
Oh noes, not Ed Dickson and Dennis Pitta!
Dear God, what WILL the Steelers do?
Wait, hold on...
/checks to see if James Farrior is starting
Also, let the record show there is only one "Diesel" in the AFC North...
And don't you forget it.
I bet if he took that visor off, life would instantly get 1000 times better.
Anyway, we're still looking at Bryant McKinnie, Ben Grubbs/whoever, Matt Birk, Marshal Yanda, and Hollywood Oher.
16 sacks allowed on the season = a little more than two a game.
Let's see if we can't help them increase that total a little bit, shall we?
Hold me, I'm scared.
But at least there's one potential piece of good news for us - Haloti Ngata may ngat play (listed as probable).
Still looking at Cory Redding, Mount Cody, and Arthur Jones (?), though.
Stay strong, Maximus.
"[Heinz Field] is my Madison Square Garden. I love playing in this stadium, I love the way the people treat me, the welcoming they give me with the No. 1's. I love it. We're going on the road in probably the toughest stadium to play in the NFL. We're expecting a physical football game. This is football."
You heard it straight from the horse's mouth (all too appropriate of an invocation, by the way, see image above... /pats self on back) - Terrell Suggs wants you to give him the one fingered salute tomorrow.
I doubt that should be a problem for any of you.
Also, [insert Ray Lewis joke that is as irrelevant as he is here].
Ladarius Webb and Cary Williams down on the corner, Ed Reed and infamous outlaw Bernie Pollard out in the street.
Baltimore seems to be really eager to target Hines Ward tomorrow, assuming he plays.
Which, of course, I find rather perplexing considering Mike Wallace is the one who is 4th in the NFL in receiving yards, averaging 100 yards a game.
Yep, no idea.
AKA the one dick to rule them all.
John Harbaugh is a whiny bitch.
Which is why he's been the perfect fit in Baltimore.
And that's all that needs to be said about that.
Now, on to the big finish...
1. The US government confirms Ben is human, as far as it knows...
Sorry, nerds, your dreams of an otherworldly female who will actually talk to you will remain unfulfilled as of yet.
2. At least one half of Wooderson "may" be playing tomorrow night...
The 'son half, that is.
3. Unrealistic expectations...
If you don't think there's going to be several confrontations at Heinz Field tomorrow night - reality called, it doesn't want you back.
4. Dios mio, man...
Peace out, Danny Sepulveda's 2011 campaign. Hello again, Jeremy Kapinos...
5. Seal the gates, and prepare for war...
And I thought last week's Benstonium production was good...
Man, shit just leveled up.
So, alright, guys, I feel like a broken record this week, but it's go time.
Luckily, thanks to mother nature, we get an extra hour to mentally prepare for what's coming in a little more than 24 hours.
Turn off the lights tonight, hit play on this, and visualize the Steelers defense decapitating Joke Flacco...
And let's hope to see the real deal tomorrow night.
Here we go.
If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.