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Ravens Offense "Delivers Miracle" To Win Week 4 Super Bowl... E-mail
Written by Cotter   
October 04, 2010 13:24

[you're gonna wanna see here (at 0:11) for reference on the title]

I hate recapping losses.

Everyone just yells about this and that, and it's really just a lot of wasted energy.

Don't get me wrong, that was about as infuriating a way to lose as any. Not only do we have to listen to Ravens fans crow like they won the God damn Super Bowl, but beaten by penalties, missed field goals and a gamble gone wrong.

Not to mention...

TJ Suckmydickanzadeh.

But the reality is, as far as most people are concerned (including me, obvs), the Steelers have the league's BEST defense right now. Through four games, they lead the LEAGUE in takeaways with 12, they're allowing both the fewest rushing yards per game in the LEAGUE with 62.3 and the fewest points with a stingy 12.5, and Lawrence Timmons leads the LEAGUE in tackles.

Plus, look who's currently 2nd in the league in rush yards...

Add this to that equation...

And we just might like the results.

That they lost yesterday is but a proverbial bump in the road that is the NFL season.

And hopefully, we look back on this in December/January and laugh about the time the Ravens treated a 40-yard drive like it was some kind of magic trick.


Gotta give credit to Joe Flacco for having eyeballs, and hence good enough vision to see that ponytail wide open in the end zone and "deliver the miracle."

Anyway, like I mentioned in the preliminary recap, 3-1 it is, which is much better than 0-4, 1-3 or 2-2. And with Ben rejoining the team Monday afternoon in anticipation of a triumphant return October 17, hopefully the rest of the season should be bright.

So, let's not dwell on the negative for too long, lest we become Ravens fans.

Let's just get on with the sloppiness.

Won't you be my neighbor?

Things That Were Awesome:

1. The Law

15 more tackles yesterday, including even an assist on special teams.

Timmons has been Robocop on OFTOT (The Law, get it?) for at least two years now, but it might be time to move him up to the rank of Predator (after all, Tyrone Carter is out to pasture now).

Witness the emergence...

2. Rashard Mendenhall

25 carries, 79 yards, and a pair of TDs.

79 yards isn't 140 yards, but it's an awful lot when the Ravens defense KNOWS you're going to run the ball at them all day and they still can't stop you.

My only regret is that he didn't give us any of this in celebrating either TD...

By the way, Dawan Landry, you still owe Mendenhall $5 for that ride he gave in the 2nd quarter yesterday.


3. El Yeah!

Given that he only caught two balls all day you might be wondering why I included him on this list.

If that's the case, allow me to refresh your memory on those two catches.

The first was a 34 yard strike from Chuck Batch on 3rd and 3 that put the ball on the Ravens 1 yard line and set up the first of Rashard's two TDs.

The second was a 16 yard strike from Chuck Batch on 3rd and 10 that put the ball on the Ravens 26 and three plays later, led to the second of Rashard's two TDs.

No 1st downs, no TDs.

Sure, he wasn't exactly a hero, but he made his work count.

That's the kind of supporting performance that doesn't seem like much, but keep in mind, El is the third receiver on the depth chart.

Now, imagine what Ben can do with Hines, Wallace, Randle El, Battle and Antonio Brown/Manny Sanders.

4. Snack Attack!

[dramatic reenactment]

If you're only going to have one tackle, it might as well be a strip sack.

The only thing that would've made it better was, you know, recovering the fumble.

Coincidentally, keep your eyes on Snack on this play. Endless entertainment.

5. Haloti Ngat-gonna-do-shit-on-his-watch

You can't really ignore that Ngata haunted Chuck Batch's life like a late-night burrito.

Anytime a 3-4 nose tackle leads his team in tackles with 11 (two for a loss) and a sack, you're pretty much obligated to file his performance under "Things That Were Awesome," regardless of allegiances.

Things That Were NOT Awesome:

1. Watching Derrick Mason Catch Everything But The HIV in the 1st Half

FIVE of his six catches came in the first quarter, including a 40 yard connection that Simms and Nantz pointed out was the Ravens longest play of the season.

Between him and Boldin, they had more catches than all of the Steelers pass catchers combined.

Plus, he made his case for an academy award to draw a holding penalty on James Harrison.

When Phil Simms calls you out for being a pussy, you probably need to grow a pair.

Let's move on.

2. The Ravens on 4th Down at the Goal Line

This would be a lot funnier if we hadn't lost.

Props to Big Play Willie Gay, though.

If we had won, I think this post's headline might have been "Big Play Willie Gay Saves The Day."


The Offense

I'm not even going to get into this much because it's pointless, but your defense gets a big stop, forcing your opponent to turn the ball over on downs, and you take it with 2:40 left in the game. Obviously you want to run the ball to take time off the clock, but what you don't want is to go three and out and then punt out of your own end zone with over a minute left.

Oops, guess no one told the offense.

All you need is a 1st down there and the game is over.

And that's the last I'll say on the subject.

However, that leads me to...

4. The Penalties


5. How Did I Miss This for the Preview?

I have failed you for the last time.

The Only Things That Were Worse Than This Recap:

1. Twisting The Knife (something Ray Lewis should be familiar with)...

If you search "worst way to lose" on Google, that picture shows up 1st.

At least in my mind it does.

Yes, the game was already over.

But that was just salt in the wound.

By the way, yes Ray Lewis murder jokes are played out, but the opportunity was just hanging out there for me to take.

2. The Whole World Thought It Couldn't Be Done?

WTF is Terrell Suggs talking about?

Who said the Ravens couldn't beat the Steelers?

We were only favored by 1.5 points at home!

3. The Bengals

Thank God for Carson Palmer or we might have never known how anyone could throw for almost 400 yards and still lose to the Browns.

I'm really mailing it in at this point.

4. Thanks, Jeff...

Let this be the last time this season that Jeff Reed shows up in this section.

I think I said that the last time too.

5. Derpity, Derp, Derp De-derp...

If you want to make your QB look good, you probably don't ever want to mention his name in the same time zone as Kyle Boller.

Also, for the record, Big Ben has 21 game-winning drives in his 87 game career. He had six in 2008 alone

And finally, this week's Yinz Luv Da Stillers...

Now, your turn - have ye any thoughts on this most unfortunate occurence?

Let's have 'em in the comments. 

Oh, and go Broncos!

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.


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