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Dead Men Walking

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Stayin' Alive... E-mail
Written by Cotter   
December 27, 2009 22:13

When the Steelers lost to the Browns two weeks ago, the tears of way too many Steeler fans overflowed the banks of the Three Rivers.

Woe is us, right?

Well guess what, if there's one thing we know about Mike Tomlin's Steelers, it's that they're more stubborn than Rush Limbaugh.

They may not have "unleashed hell in December," but they've played the hand they dealt themselves as best as they could.

Now, all that's left is one more game against the Dolphins and J Peezy down in South Florida...

Ironic that he plays in MIAMI now, huh?

Anyways, I'm desperately trying to enjoy a little holiday respite here, so let's just get right to the "Things That Were Awesome," "Things That Were NOT Awesome," and "Things That Made Us Cry Like Ravens Fans."

After you've checked them all out, feel free to add yours in the comments.

Get at me, dog...

Things That Were Awesome:

1. The Wood

We've been over this already, but 10 tackles, two sacks, a forced fumble, a forced INT and a pass defended = outright domination.

I smell AFC Defensive Player of the Week.

And the shit in Joe Flacco's tights.

Way to exploit the weakness in the Ravens O-line, Lamarr.

You're a stud.

2. Potsie

How did the AP not get any pictures of James Farrior's INT?

Bush league.

Either way, it was awesome.

I'll buy you all the early bird dinners you can eat, buddy.

3. San Antonio Holmes

Five catches, 86 yards, and the score you see pictured above.


Hey, Miles Austin...

Talk to the hand 'cause the face ain't listening.

4. Derrick Mason's Ike Taylor Impression


Someone really needs to upload video of this to YouTube for posterity.

5. Ziggy Hood

When Keisel went down with a Stinger, the right side didn't skip a beat.

Ziggy stepped in and logged two tackles, his first career sack and his first career fumble recovery - the one that more or less iced the game.

More than likely, Keisel will play next week.

Nevertheless, this was a pretty promising performance from the Steelers' most recent 1st round pick.

Congrats, Ziggy, you made the list.

I'm sure you're going to be honored...

Honorable Mention - All Hail, The Benstache


He's already been accused of being a rapist, so why not look the part, right?

Yeah, I'm just kidding.

Big Ben's 'stache could cure cancer.

Here we go, pre-playoff facial hair, here we go!

Things That Were NOT Awesome:

1. So THIS Is What Safety Help Looks Like


2. Willie Gay

Yeah, I know.

Dick Enberg told me - Todd Heap uses his basketball skills.


Which reminds us...

3. Todd Heap's Basketball Skills

Todd Heap is 6'5" and 29 years old.

Deshea Townsend is 5'10" and 34 years old.

You do the math.

Basketball skills, whatever.

Is that what you call getting handsy in the end zone, Dick?

So does that mean we can call a foul?

4. Menden-LimasSweedHands

Nice of Rashard to add a fumble to his 17 carry, 36 yard performance.

Of course, he did contribute a TD, but he also dropped a sure one as well.

All in all, Mendenhall's day was about as impressive as Ryan Leaf's career.

5. Fumble or Incompletion?

It certainly looked like he had possession, took two steps and then put the ball on the ground.

But what do I know?

I'm just a hater.

And honestly, considering the calls we DID get, complaining about this would be slightly bratty.

By the way - the Ravens had 11 penalties for 113 yards.

Playoff caliber football, indeed.

Things That Made Us Cry Like Ravens Fans:

1. Jim Caldwell


Why would you play Peyton Manning for the first 40 minutes of a game, then pull him while clinging to a five point lead in the 3rd Quarter?

Obviously because you're a dick.

Thanks a lot, jagoff.

2. Ray Rice

Yeah, he fumbled, but I'm pretty sure those 30 carries for 141 yards he had overshadowed his one unfortunate mistake.

Ray Rice embarrassed the Steelers defense like they farted in the middle of a conference call.

All streaks gotta end someday, right?

3. The 3rd Quarter

The Steelers held the ball for less than two minutes out of the entire quarter, Ben threw a costly interception, and the Ravens scored 10 unanswered points to tie the score at 20 all.

Plus, we all had to listen to Dick Enberg and Dan Fouts suck the Ravens' dicks for having scored the most points in the 3rd quarter out of any team all season.

Good thing games are 60 minutes long.

The 3rd Quarter can eat me.

4. Four Sacks on Ben

That makes 18 since he suffered the now infamous concussion against the Chiefs.

You know what else happened against the Chiefs?

Chris Kemoeatu suffered a knee injury.


Who knows.

Who cares.

I'm just pointing out facts here.

5. Still No Troy

We won another one without him, but how much different would it have been with him?

Next week, maybe?


And that, friends, is that.

Hey Miami...

You're on notice.

Now, what say yinz?

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog network and follow Cotter and Steve on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

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