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The Executioner's Song... E-mail
Written by Captain Planet   
November 20, 2009 16:42
ravenschiefs


PS - Yes, we did use that image a couple of days ago. But since no one cared about that post, we're re-using it. Show a little enthusiasm, for Christ's sake...or are you all still too broken up about Oprah going off the air next decade? Sunday's only two days away!!


Until we sat down at our keyboards to write this beast, it hadn't dawned on us how difficult it will be to come up with "Three Things To Watch For" in Sunday's game.

Besides (hopefully) a massacre of epic proportions, that is.

We're certainly not trying to make too many prophetic statements about the way this game's gonna turn out, but think about it - besides Matt Cassel, Chris Chambers, Tamba Hali and Kansas City BBQ, what else is there?

We do know that back in the day, Chiefs fans seriously loved them some Zubaz...
chiefszubaz

+1 for the zubaz pants/starter jacket combo...all you need is a pair of Jordans to complete the trifecta...1991 would be proud.

But other than that, I think we made it pretty clear through yesterday's team preview that we know more about having the maturity of a 12 year old than we do about the Kansas City Chiefs.

We've been sitting here, staring at this blinking cursor for at least 15 minutes now, and we feel about as inspired as any member of the 2009 Browns.

So we're just gonna keep this short and sweet.

We did our best to lay out our "Three Things To Watch For" respectively below.

Read them, embrace them, let their simple brilliance wash over your being.

Or just skip to the comments and tell us how you stopped reading once we posted a picture of some dude in Zubaz.

Won't you be our neighbor?

Cotter's Three Things To Watch For:

1. Rashard Mendenhall, The Cure For What Ails You
mendenhallpunisher

Somewhere in the Burgh right now there are Steeler fans still having seizures and screaming, "RUN THE GOD DAMNED BALL!!"

Ironically, as part of our Broncos recap we mentioned that we received a memo reading, "Stop saying the Steelers need to run the ball more."

Since then we've received a subsequent memo.

It reads, "Please disregard the previous memorandum. Bruce Arians got out of his cage last week and went a little crazy with our email."

Larry Zierling knows what they're talking about...

Anyways, the Steelers only ran the ball 18 times last week, and that includes the two times Big Ben ran it.

The Chiefs gave up a 60 yard run to Michael Bush last week.

We're not saying Michael Bush isn't good.

We actually wish that guy was a Steeler.

But he ain't no Rashard Mendenhall...
mendenhalljumpinghighasshit

Santonio wishes he could get that high...

Mendenhall + 25 carries + Chiefs Defense =
tomlinkeepitreal

Straight cash, homey.

Prediction: Rashard Mendenhall in the end zone...


2. Kansas Sack City
silverbacksackdance

Matt Cassel has been sacked 29 times this season.

That places him 2nd on the list behind Aaron Rodgers (41 sacks), who's asshole must be the size of a cantaloupe by now.

Last week, the Steelers only managed to get to Carson Palmer twice.

In otherwords, they should have about 15 sacks in them for Sunday.

The only protection that might work against the Steelers pass rush this week is a taser.

So unless Matt Cassel wants to stuff one of those down his pants, we wish him luck (and Matt, if we've learned nothing from Plaxico Burress, it's that keeping a weapon in your pants isn't all it's cracked up to be...  /that's what she said).

Prediction: We wouldn't be surprised if Matt Cassel needs a colonoscopy after this one, just to clean out all the dirt from Silverback's cleats.

3. In Your Dreams, Chiefs Fans


We've heard a lot of fanbases pining for The Chin's services (mostly Cleveland), but this is a new one to us.

Cowher to the Chiefs?

We're so blindsided by this that we don't even have any jokes prepared for the occasion.

If the Chiefs hired Cowher, you think they'd bring in Kendrell Bell to coach Linebackers??

I'm cutting myself off now...

Steve's Three Things To Watch For:

1. The Big Ben Redemption
BIGBEN

Let's be honest, Ben doesn't have to "redeem" anything. His tremendous play this season, annnnnd his two super bowl rings, give him a pass for many many many moons.

He was allowed to have laid a stinky turd, like he did last Sunday. It won't become a habit, we can guarantee that.

Ben had a rough one against the Bengals, over-throwing some deep balls, and getting sacked. People even dropped the old "he held on to the ball too long" blah blah blah barf! (Interesting read- One blog took it a step further and dissected every play where Ben could have hit the check down, but got sacked.)

The Prediction being, Ben will be out of control on Sunday. 400 plus passing yards and a handful of touchdowns.

Don't belive me? Think the Chiefs will bring some heat? Well here are some stats to back that up:

Passing vs 5+ Rushers This Season

Ben Roethlisberger vs Chiefs Opponents


Roethlisberger Chiefs Opponents
Comp pct 65.2 57.8
Yds/att 7.5 8.5
TD-Int 6-2 9-1
Passer rtg 97.6 109.3


Does this mean anything at all and will this stat translate to Sunday's game?

Probably not, but it killed some time, right?

2. The Oh So Special, Special Teams
fox

Now onto a group who NEEDS to redeem themselves......

You think they got the message?

Keyaron Fox and his merry men of special teamers, will need to stop the Chiefs for negative yards on every kickoff/punt to get out of the yinzer doghouse. Am I the only one who gets nervous when the ball is kicked or punted? This never happened when Chidi Iwouma or Clint Kreiwaldt suited up for the black n' gold. Not to question Colbert's moves but, the Steelers lack that one big impact guy on special teams who is always making tackles.

Will Donovan Woods be that guy?

I've already asked too many questions. Cheers to the special teams kicking ass in Kansas City!!!

Prediction - Hopefully Logan can take one back for six, or Jeff Reed can make a freaking tackle, so that they can.......

TOTALLY REEDEEEEEM THEMSELVES!!!

I know. I've used that close to, 378 times.

It is applicable and everyone needs their daily dose of D&D.

3. The 63-Million Dollar Man


Nerd.

If ten wins and missing the playoffs gets you a 63 million dollar contract.....we are definitely not living through a recession.

63 Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllion dollars!!!!! Seriously?

Cassell should give 60 mill of that to Wes Welker and Randy Moss. He really should.....and you know how much we hate the Patriots.

Anyways, enough about his copious amounts of dollar bills that can't afford him a decent hair cut.....

Watch Cassell on Sunday. Watch how he crumbles under the Steelers pressure. He did last year and there is no doubt in my mind he will on Sunday. He's weak in every sense of the word and is a top ten backup, at best. We'd take Chuck Batch over him, any day of the week.

Like we said yesterday - "Too bad you cant play the Raiders every week....."

Prediction: Cassell throws six picks and a grand total of 32 yards.

Think that's bold? Check out my score prediction.

HERE WE GO!!!

Score Predictions:

Cotter
cottersprediction

Steve
stevesprediction

Miscellaneous:

1. Christian Okoye, legend


If you watched that entire video, pat yourself on the back. We know your attention span is minimal at best, with these posts.

2. We're thankful we're Pirates fans and not Royals fans.
royalsmascot

3. Thanksgiving came early -- We're thankful Larry Johnson is no long a Chief


4. Sticking with the "thankful" theme.......we're thankful we wont be watching, but who's excited for Browns - Lions!?!?
lionsfan

We get the feeling that the mood is very calm and quiet around Steeler Nation. Is there anyone who is excited for this game?

Games against the Vikings and Broncos were bringing old church ladies out to Heinz field. Not even half way through the season, our bandwagon was chock full of soccer moms, retired steel workers, and chicks in pink jerseys. Where have you all gone?

Obviously both of us need a shot of adrenaline, two adderalls, and a 5 hour energy, but that's not to say we won't be pumped up come game time. We'll be watching every play like its the last one of the season.

HERE. WE. Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Here, get fired up.


See ya Sunday.

/waking away, waving towel

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, join the blog networkand follow Cotter and Steve on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

Comments (5)
  • Grumpy
    avatar
    We should be more fired up. Every game is a playoff game.
  • Erin K.  - Here we go!!!
    avatar
    I agree with Grumpy!!! Solid post fellas! GO STEELERS!!!
  • socalblackngold
    avatar
    +1 renegade. i'll say it again! fucking aweseome =) great way to end the post. i applaude you, sir.
  • DG
    avatar
    Not apathetic about this game. Want the boys to come out and dominate. Kinda scared what it will mean if they don't.
  • TheJim
    avatar
    Zubaz + Starter jackets = match made in heaven
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