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One For The Other Thumb
#ThrowBLackThursday (Right Out the Window)...
Written by Cotter   
November 27, 2013 16:23
noshop

First things first - HEY GUYS, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD BUT THE STEELERS ARE PLAYING THE RAVENS THURSDAY NIGHT AND BOTH TEAMS NEED A WIN TO STAY IN THE HUNT FOR A PLAYOFF SPOT!!!

Seriously, if you have anything else besides family, feasting, and football on your mind right now, pop a pill and let's focus here.

bullhorns

Now, I really don't expect more than four of you to read a preview on Thanksgiving, even if it is a preview before the biggest game so far this year (not that I'd expect more than four of you to read any preview anyway).

So, for you four, I'm at least going to try and keep it simple.

steelersravens1

There's only one thing about this game that anyone can tell you with any degree of certainty, and that is that it's going to be an all-out brawl.



It may or may not literally be an all-out brawl, but there's absolutely zero benefit to me telling you anything about how the Ravens have played since we last saw them, and you might as well forget about how the Steelers have played.

Both teams are 0-0 right now as far as they're concerned, because losing this one most likely means losing any chance at January football.



It's gonna come down to which one makes more plays than the other, and/or which makes the big play at the right time.

I don't know what else to tell you guys, because I have absolutely no idea how this is going to shake out.

I've already set the stage about as best I can between the Browns recap and this post.

So, like I've said, it's time for the Steelers to dig the trenches and prepare for war.

iketosmith

And we should do the same.

Forget everything that happened before, and everything that will happen after, it's all about this one game.



Win from within.



Now, I'd tell you to stay as level-headed as possible, but 1) I'm probably the least level-headed human alive when it comes to the Ravens, and 2) IT'S NO TIME FOR LEVEL-HEADEDNESS, IT'S TIME TO GET ROWDY!!!



So, I'm not going to go through the typical position-by-position review here, for obvious reasons.

But I will throw it over to Tim for a quick Tea Party, and then leave you to your devices to enjoy gorging yourself on bird just like I hope the Steelers do on Thanksgiving night.

strangleRavens

The floor is yours, Timothy.

Tim's Tea Party:
HEY BROWNS FANS...
xmasvacayfinger

HEY JOE FUCCO...
heretofuckshizup

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
ttp

Pinky up, bitches!

If the Steelers come through with as strong a showing as Tim this week, we'll be in good shape.

Now, all that's left to say is HAPPY THANKSGIVING, YOU ANIMALS!!!

thanksgiving

I hope you're all gunning for the world record of most turkey eaten, and Godspeed!

Nothing else to be said here.

Shit pretty much doesn't get more real than this unless it's January.

steelerjesus

Predictions, love notes for the Ravens, and/or nervous verbal vomiting in the comments.

abfiredup

HERE WE GO!!!

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

 
Just Keep Winning...
Written by Cotter   
November 24, 2013 16:01
just-keep-swimming

And having handed out that 27-11 spanking, just like that, the rivalry stache is now 1-0.

rivalrystache

Shaun Suisham's majestic lip caterpillar and the rest of the Steelers put together about as convincing a win as they should have against Cleveland today, once again more or less having their way with the factory of sadness by the lake.

goddamnright
 
Given their prior struggles, perhaps we should be a little surprised that the Steelers were able to take this one so handily.

But the one job they had was to beat Cleveland in Cleveland, and they got it done.

tomlinyo

With the Ravens also notching a W over the Jets, that keeps us even at 5-6 going into what could be the end of my existence on Thursday between nervous binge turkey eating and whatever heart-palpitation-inducing hijinks go on after 8:30 PM.

On the one hand, you couldn't really script it any better than this.

Two teams who - despite their struggles  - are still statistically in the hunt for a playoff spot, who happen to make up one of the most undeniably bitter rivalries in sports, battling in prime time on Thanksgiving for that next win they each need in order to keep hope alive.

The kind of game that makes the hair on your arm stand up, even as a fan.

cantbreathe

But on the other hand, the reality is we're going straight into hell in four days, playing Baltimore in Baltimore, with the aforementioned stakes on the table, and a chip on the Ravens shoulder after our previous meeting in Pittsburgh.

Whatever happens, better strap your helmet on, because Thursday is gonna be one for the books.

Now, with the Ravens game coming at us faster than you can say "Haloti Ngata," the chances of me getting to a full recap, plus a full Ravens preview this week are equal to the number of sacks the Steelers line allowed on Ben today.

That's right, it probably ain't happening.

BUT, a couple of things that need to be recognized.

1) Big Play Willie Gay Gets a Gold Star for the Day.
williegay2

Strip sack, pick six, just another day in life for your boy William Gay.

xmasvacayfinger

Suck it, Cleveland.

2) JASON WORILDS IS A DAMN MAN!
worilds

SIX QB hits today for the guy everyone had written off.

Dude just produced his own horror film out there for an audience of two - Jason Campbell and Brandon Weeden.

3) FIVE sacks and FOUR turnovers.
minionsahhh

There's a first time for everything, and apparently today was the first time Troy Polamalu forced two fumbles in one game.

But I'll also be so bold as to say that this is the first time this season that as a defense, they had as many sacks and/or turnovers in one outing.

If you wanna win football games, especially in November/December, this kind of play is usually beneficial.

4) Das Boot.
benpunt

Next week, look for Ben to make a big stop on 4th and 1 at the goal line as well.

gangstaflac

Your move, Flacco.

5) Reality.

Just so we're all aware, it's a one game season right now.

All eyes on beating Baltimore.


Great game all around today, so enjoy it, guys.

keiselhighfive

But there's still a lot of season left, so now's no time to take your foot off the gas pedal.

troyfumbleheyward

Reactions, verbal butt pats, and nervous breakdowns in the comments (should the mood strike you).



Sleep with one eye open, Flacco.

ikethegreat

The Steelers are coming.

strangleRavens

HERE WE FUCKING GO!

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

 
Meeting People Is Easy...
Written by Cotter   
November 23, 2013 15:55
_MPIE10.2

What's up, you animals?

Welcome to another action-packed week of the nonsense that is Meeting People Is Easy.

You've got another stacked deck here this week, so allow me to call roll for you:

1) Ian
2) Eric
3) Phil
4) Noah
5) Josh
6) Chris
7) Mike
8) Me

And here's the part where I tell you that not only do we love having newcomers, but that's pretty much the most pure example of what Meeting People Is Easy is all about.

So, if you're ever feeling saucy and wanna introduce yourself, feel free to get at me via email or on Twitter.

Now, if there are no other pressing items, I give you the show.

As always, click to enlarge...
Thanks as usual to this week's panel!

dap

Still plenty of time left to peep the preview before kickoff, so don't hesitate to get up on it.

Otherwise, hopefully you've moved your headspace into the appropriate place for rivalry week.

Lucky beverage here for good measure...
beer

Here we go.

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

 
Shaun Suisham Forgot to Turn His Swag Off AKA It's Rivalry Week...
Written by Cotter   
November 23, 2013 13:06
rivalrystache

And just like that, ladies and degenerates, two things happened: #1 - a headline was born, and #2 - GET ROWDY, BECAUSE IT'S ON, MOTHERF*#KERS!!!!!!

braveheartahhh

Quick, when was the last time you can remember a game against Cleveland in which both teams had something to play for besides pride?

brownsplayoffs

I'm sure in reality it wasn't that long ago, but in my hazy, cold/bird and or pig flu riddled brain, it seems like the answer must be in decades, not single digits.

And you know what?

It feels great.

It didn't totally hit me until last night, when for some reason, I clicked a link to Antonio Brown's "What It Is" on Steelers.com, and saw AB working the locker room, asking his comrades about what a rivalry means, only to eventually bump into Shaun Suisham, who unveiled his rivalry 'stache.

And I not only welcome Sweezy's rivalry 'stache up there, and the sentiment that goes with it, I encourage it.

With two division games within four days of each other, when all three teams involved are currently 4-6 - oh man, can you imagine a more ferocious scenario that doesn't officially involve playoffs?



Everyone's out for blood in these games as it is, but when the margin for error is so tight that if you shoved a lump of coal up its butt it would instantly become a diamond, you know it's going to be a bloodbath.

brownshate

Now, when it comes to these types of games, it kind of goes without saying, but you can pretty much throw all the stats right out the window.

Enjoy reading about how the Browns offense struggled under Jason Campbell last week, or how their defense is probably the best it has been in years, but really those are just anecdotes about how the Browns got here.

Yeah, those things factor into this game, but to what degree is anyone's guess.

The Steelers have had more than their fair share of problems this year, even if the trajectory has been slightly different as of late, but how big of a statement would it be for them to come out and mow down Cleveland and Baltimore in back-to-back games within one calendar week?

Oh yeah, guys, these two games are as real as it gets.

streetfighterfight

Now, I'm obviously dragging ass already to get this thing up, as has become the usual case, so I'm not going to belabor things any further.

As per standard operating procedure around here, I'm just gonna jump into the Browns, from QB to Head Coach and everywhere in between.

I apologize if there's almost zero flow in this thing this week, but shit's rough nowadays.

Anyway...


GAME ON!

Quarterback:
woodoncampbell

Jason Campbell, property of LaMarr Woodley.

"No quarterback since the start of 2006 has attempted as many short throws as Jason Campbell's 50 attempts."

If that isn't Todd Haley's wet dream, I don't want to know what is.

Actually, I definitely don't want to know what Todd Haley's wet dream is regardless.

Either way, I'm not even trying to front like it's worth my time to tell you anything else about Jason Campbell.

If you actually care to know more, my boy Neal Coolong's got you covered with a quick review of how Campbell has fared against the Steelers the two other times he's faced them in his career.

But, let's get down to the important stuff.

Brandon Weeden.

Dude, I have no idea how the Browns ever thought starting this guy (let alone drafting him in the 1st round last year) was a good idea in the first place.

Just look at him...
brandononweeden

This is your current leader in passing yards, Cleveland.

Where have you gone, Colt McCoy?

map

Not ironically, pretty much as far away as Cleveland could possibly send him.

Running Back:


Here's a list of Willises that are > than Willis McGahee...

> Bruce Willis
> Patrick Willis
> Dontrelle Willis
> NBA Journeyman Kevin Willis
> The Willis Tower
> Willis from Diff'rent Strokes

And last but certainly far from least - Wesley Willis (fair warning: videos are NSF W, or H if you're gonna be around important, mature people like your girlfriend/fiancee/wife and/or your young children)...


"Take your ass to the barber shop. Tell the barber you're sick of looking like an asshole."

Everything this dude ever did was epic.



Drop yourself down a Wesley Willis YouTube hole and enjoy.

You're welcome.

Nah, seriously though, Willis McGahee has been passed around the NFL more than a J at a Phish concert, but dude has been a consistently solid, dependable RB, so respek...
respek

But that don't mean shit to Cam Heyward and friends, so hey Willis McGahee...
dragonballs
 
Oh yeah, Chris Ogbonaknskdlgnal;sdngasdg...


Whatevs, I don't do Fullbacks.

That's what she said.

Wide Receivers:


Josh Gordon, a bag of Hot Cheetos, a rabbit's foot left over from Pat Shurmur, three cans of Tinactin, and a Brady Quinn fathead make up the Browns receiving corps.

Yo, this Gordon kid might be the best receiver the Browns have had in a while, having grabbed 751 yards receiving, averaging close to 20 YPC, and scoring four TDs in eight games.

But I feel the need to point out that he's only caught half of the balls that have come this way.

Maybe if the balls were made out of weed and/or sizzurp he might have a better time catching them.

gordonweed

Also, can't not LOL @ "he and teammate Willie Jefferson were found asleep at a local Taco Bell."

I bet if you looked into it, that's actually how a ton of people get caught for weed.

Mexican pizza or gtfo.

Tight End:
brownschic

Jordan Cameron.

Doesn't it seem like his name should be the other way around?

Offensive Line:
brownsdude

Joe Thomas, John Greco, Alex Mack, Shawn Lauvao, Mitchell Schwartz.

34 sacks allowed in 10 games, having surrendered four on Jason Campbell last week alone.

Of course, despite their epic two sack performance last week, it isn't exactly like the Steelers pass rush has been dominating anyone either.

But, I'm not going to let that prevent me from predicting a two sack day from Ziggy Hood alone...
ziggydance

Get Ziggy with it.

Defensive Line:
fanz

Help me understand this one, Cleveland...

You helmet the Browns???

I'm lost.

Either way, here's where the fun begins, as I'm sure Large Benjamin would agree.

deargoditsben1

Ahtyba Rubin, Phil Taylor, and Dez, er, Desmond Bryant.

1, 2.5, and 3.5 sacks respectively, and anchoring the league's 8th best run defense.

But I've just got one question for these three...
hulkamania

WHATCHOO GONNA DO WHEN LE'VEON BELL RUNS WILD ON YOU, BROTHER?!?!?!**

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

** - "run wild" = 50 yards on 20 carries. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Valid 11/24 only. One per customer.

LineNightmarebackers:
nightmarebackers

Dracula, Freddie Kruger, Darth Vader, and Jason Voorhes.

I mean, Jabaal Sheard/Barkevius Mingo, Tank Carder (Craig Robertson is doubtful), D'Qwell Jackson, and Paul Kruger.

Sheard...
sheard

"Officer Brown said Mr. Sheard kept punching Mr. Parker as the officer and other city officers tried to break up the fight. After absorbing several of Officer Brown's baton blows to the body, Mr. Sheard picked up Mr. Parker by his clothing and threw him through the glass door of the gallery, then continued to punch him in the face as he lay bleeding on the floor inside the business..."

I know y'all didn't forget about Jabaal Sheard that quickly.

Mingo...
hortononmingo

Don't worry, Barkevius.

I'm sure someone on the Steelers offensive line would be happy to help you get Ray Horton off your back.

I really just wanted to say Barkevius.

Barkevius.

Carder...
carderheadline

Moral of this story is don't "bash team sports" on Twitter unless you're prepared to be called a bundle of sticks by Tank Carder.

carder2

Seems justified.

Jackson...
dqwellonben

Alright, I'm all out of headlines, but it was a good run while it lasted.

D'Qwell Jackson is the Browns leading tackler, and leader of their defense.

Look for him to make some tackles on Sunday.

If you aren't here for bold predictions like that, I don't know why you are here.

Kruger...
krugz

Dude, a hospital once had to use 50 staples just to close incisions made on Paul Kruger's body after he got jumped and knifed in Salt Lake City in 2008.

No, not stitches, I said STAPLES.

50 of them.

mahbles2

Holy shit.

Secondary:
tjward

There are four dudes in Cleveland right now flooding the streets with saliva over the opportunity to face Ben Roethlisberger on Sunday, and their names are Joe Haden and Buster Skrine at the Corners, and TJ Ward and Tashaun Gipson at the Safeties. 

That's 41 (!!!) passes defended, and eight picks - two for TDs - between them.

I had never heard of Buster Skrine before I wrote this post, but I shit you not, dude has defended 15 passes by himself.

joeyh

And Joe Haden has three of those eight picks alone, all three having come in the last two games vs. the Ravens and Bengals. Oh, and he also shut down AJ Green last week to the tune of 7 total yards receiving. 

One more time for Ben...
WhenInDoubt

Probably should just tattoo it on his forehead at this point.

Head Coach:
chudzheadline

I'd call him ChOAdzinski, but I'm sure that's the hack thing to do.

Excellent coaching tree, though.

chudtree

I assume this makes him the league's foremost expert on flaming out?

Makes sense, Cleveland.

Billy Cundiff:


Needed done.

Over to you, Tim.

Tim's Tea Party:
Ok, I’m just going to be completely honest about this past week’s game vs. the Lions.
ttp1

I’m not sure how the Steelers pulled this one out. Sure, Ben played great and the Steelers had three takeaways, but it still doesn’t compute that they gave up 271 yards in the second quarter, Calvin Johnson had two TDs and 179 yards, the Steelers blew a 14 point lead, and they managed to win the game. And by win the game, I mean shutdown one of the best offenses in the NFL. Johnson had zero catches in the second half and the Steelers even managed to thwart a fake field goal after the only sustained drive the Lions could muster in the second half.

ttp2

I’m not complaining about the game. I just don’t understand how the Steelers could win after getting destroyed in the 2nd quarter without making too many halftime adjustments. Oh well...
RockyLebeau

As for this week the Steelers find themselves playing against their divisional rival the Cleveland Browns. This used to be a great rivalry until the Browns left Cleveland for Baltimore, then restarted as an expansion franchise that has sucked since they’ve returned.

ttp3

The Browns look to be getting better with a complete overhaul of the team in the front office, the coaching staff, and team itself, but I’m guessing we will know the answer to whether that’s true or not sometime next year. They’ve had a carousel of QBs due to injuries, but do find themselves tied with the Steelers for 2nd place in the AFC North. And the best skill player on the Browns?  You guessed it, Jordan Cameron. And this week’s game highlights him against the Steelers great pass catching TE in Heath Miller. No great stat here as I’m just picking out the most obvious similarity between the Steelers and Browns.

ttp4

What I do find interesting about this game is that it is the first time in 10 years the Browns are actually favored in the matchup. It’s practically impossible to go that long without getting the nod, but congratulations Cleveland, you pulled it off.

GolfClap

Anyway, the loser of this game pretty much seals their fate on playoff hopes. And I can’t actually believe I just typed that, can you? I mean seriously? As bad as the Steelers were in the first half of the year, the fact that they have climbed back into the playoff picture is...
ttp5

Now a bit of surprise from your humble narrator. I’m actually cautiously optimistic about the Steelers chances. Yeah, you read that right. Mr. Glass Half Empty thinks the Steelers might have a shot at the playoffs. The rest of their schedule contains only two teams with winning records in the Bengals and Packers. You can’t sit there with a straight face and tell me the other teams in the Browns (twice), Ravens, and Dolphins scare you.

ttp8

The Steelers will have to bring their A-Game against the Bengals and Packers for sure, but stranger things have happened; any John Hughes movie will tell you that...
ttp7

Pinky up bitches!

Stranger things HAVE indeed happened, I just can't think of any.

Almost there, guys. Sprint to the finish!

Miscellaneous:

1) Can anyone tell me anything funny about this picture?
hinesrandom

Zero clue what Hines is talking about.

2) And while we're screenshotting former Steelers' social media posts...
jamesharrisontweet

As Tim said when I texted this to him and Domski the other day - he must dig the ball pit.

3) O, RLY?
fanshirt

Not sure I follow the logic.

4) ???????


5) Bring it on, dicks.
brownshateline

Get your gameface on, guys.

Sunday at 1 PM, it begins.

keiseldiesel

It may not have been the most fun or consistent season thus far, but two more wins in five days here and ohhhhhhhhhh boy.

steelerjesus

Predictions, Browns hatred, and general venom in the comments.

decastrobadass

Here we go.

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

 
Double Renegade, All The Way...
Written by Cotter   
November 18, 2013 16:02


Just so we're clear, I'm not changing anything in my tune from the reactionary recap.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm still not totally sure what happened Sunday at Heinz Field.

Except for the fact that Renegade struck not once, but twice.



Now, I'm not going to be so bold as to come out and say "shame on us" for thinking the 2013 Steelers had already been tested and had definitively failed.

Not yet, anyway.

They're still a bit of a long shot, and while everyone loves a Cinderella story, don't go putting glass slippers on anyone in black and gold just yet (although if we do, maybe we can borrow some from Ryan Clark).

After the first eight games this team had, we'd be foolish to all of a sudden think back-to-back wins means anything more than the fact that the Steelers have now climbed to 4-6.

But with a second win in a row, this time against a potential contender, and given the state of the AFC right now, the possibility of me doing so is getting increasingly better with each week.

That absolutely does NOT mean it's going to happen, but give it two more games, and I think we may have a much clearer picture.

At 4-6, tied with the Browns and Ravens record-wise, heading into Cleveland and Assaultimore within five days of each other, if the Steelers come out the other side even at 6-6, then, pardon my French, but it's F*#CKING ON.

Then I'll start to more confidently think - hey, maybe this team really can shock the world.

But either way, I will say this.

#1 - Timing is everything.


Wind the clock back to December 5, 2005, and I doubt I need to throw out any other examples for you to see what I mean.

Getting on a roll at the right time is immeasurably important.

#2 - Four of the next six games are division games.
nextsix

Including both Cincy and Cleveland at Heinz.

Plus, the Ryan Tannehill-led Dolphins at Heinz, and the Packers, who will probably have Aaron Rodgers back by then, but who knows in what form (I'm no doctor, but pretty sure healthy, and not fractured, collarbones are important to QBs).

And #3 - Again, look around the AFC.
standings

A lot of teams clustered around where the Steelers are (six by my count, eight if you count Miami and NY), albeit a couple that they lost to.

So, first of all, from here on in the margin for error is slimmer than the depth along the Offensive Line, but second of all, it just underscores the fact that the opportunity exists.

The door is still theoretically open, all the Steelers have to do is walk through it.

By basically being superhuman in their last six games, of course.

So, you know, nbd for a team that is still feeling the pain of key injuries, and that - if it was an actual human being - would've been prescribed medication for bipolar disorder by now.

But, you gotta have hope.

And again, I hope that by Week 17, I'm eating every negative word I've said about this team in 2013.

Anyway, now that we've gotten that all out of the way, I'm gonna jump into the "Things That Were Awesome," "Things That Were NOT Awesome," and "Things That Made You Feel Like You Had Your Hand Emotionally Caught in a Beartrap," because YOLO.



Come along and ride on a fantastic slide, slide, who ride?

Things That Were Awesome:

1) Big Ben, Field General.

No need to reiterate his stat line, but check out the work Ben did just on that 8-minute, 97-yard long go ahead drive...
bendrive

3rd and 9, backed up in his own end zone, 16 yard completion to Antonio Brown.

4th and 2, do or die, gets it to Bell for the first.

And the rest is gravy.

Large Benjamin was a warrior on Sunday, you guys.

test25b

Which, of course, obviously means he's just trying to boost his trade value.

2) Downtown Antonio Brown.
ab1

I hope someone found those two dudes' jocks that Tone faked them out of.

ab2

And I think Louis Delmas and Deandre Levy are still trying to catch up.

#1 in the league in receptions on the year, #3 in catches for 1st downs, and #5 in receiving yards, ahead of a whole bunch of dudes that probably each have an average of three inches and 40 pounds on him.

Turns out you spell "stud," A-N-T-O-N-I-O.

3) ZERO OFFENSIVE TURNOVERS / +3 TURNOVER RATIO!
seinfelddance

OMG YOU GUYS WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?!?!?

4) General Clutchery.
clarkdenied

I know I like to use the word "Clutchery" as a cute pet name for Jericho Cotchery, but in this instance, I'm in fact referring to the entire team's ability to make clutch plays.

Whether it was Ryan Clark's Dikembe Mutumbo impression up there on 3rd down, right before the fake field goal, or Jericho Cotchery's 19 yard catch/run to set up the Steelers go ahead score, or his own score, the final dagger itself...
cotch

OR, Will Allen timely intercepting Matt Gaffeford to set up Cotchery's score...
willallenint

These are only a few examples that loom large, but they are the types of plays winning teams make.

This is how you football.

Here's to hoping this aspect of the recap pulls up a chair and hangs out for a while.

5) ONE SACK ALLOWED ON BEN!
benyes

No one is saying the Lions defense was some sort of sack machine or anything, but on a day when Ramon Foster was the latest O-line casualty not to be able to go, and with Guy Whimper filling in, who would have thought these guys would allow the least amount of sacks they have all season?

NDAMUKONG SUH'S STAT LINE = DID HE EVEN PLAY?!?!?

I hope Tomlin throws a pizza party at the facility today, because these guys deserve it more than anyone.

Things That Were NOT Awesome:

1) The Lions Faking a Field Goal.


Samesies to going for it on 4th down on the 1st drive of the game.

jackiechanface

Who does that?

fakeoutfg

Oh well, karma's a bitch, ain't it, jagoffs?

2) Rough First Half for Ike Taylor.
ikemiss1

Shit was pretty rough for Ike Taylor for a good stretch of the first 30 minutes.

ikemiss2

He got pretty much violated all over the field, and even though he certainly didn't do himself any favors missing tackles, committing interference and holding, and dropping multiple picks that hit him in the stomach and hands and such, it's hard to blame him when he was being put on an island with the beast they call Megatron.

ZERO CATCHES for #81 in the 2nd half, though.

So, in the end...
suckittttt

Ike Taylor is Optimus Prime, bitch.

3) Mat McLuckyToStillBeEmployed.
ngt

Two shanked punts in one half, then he comes out in the 2nd half and booms a 70-yarder?

WHO IS THIS GUY?!?!?

Absolutely zero clue what to expect going forward.

4) Ish Don't Think So.

How dare they play their profane music loudly outside of their locker room!

That may be how y'all run things up in the D, but...


At least they had plenty of time to listen to their loud, profane music on their flight back to Detroit, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

5) Andy Dalton...
daltonstats

How do you throw for less than 100 yards, but 3 TDs?

Is that legal?

Things That Made You Feel Like You Had Your Hand Emotionally Caught in a Beartrap:

1) The Second Quarter FROM HELL.
2ndq

Let's not relive it, but woof.

Probably not their finest hour by any stretch, but the measure of a man is how he deals with adversity, whether self-inflicted or otherwise, and the Steelers showed that at least for Sunday, they were prepared to overcome the adversity they were facing.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go drink some Gatorade, because I'm not sure I've replaced all the electrolytes I lost whilst puking violently during the second 15 minutes of Steeler football on Sunday.

2) The Run.
terrible

Basically we're talking about Le'Veon Bell's 36 rushing yards on 18 carries, for an average of 2 yards per carry here.

Cute photogenic moment...
bellcray

But I think we can all agree that two yards a carry on 18 carries is total dogshit production.

Again, I'm gonna guess that running behind a line some members of which could be bagging groceries right now probably isn't conducive to lighting it up on the ground, but imagine what play action could do if anyone was scared of our running game?

3) Getting 3 points after having 1st and Goal at the Lions 1.
catballoon

This is more a continuation of the previous point than anything else, because...

But it's not complicated - if you can't punch it in from 1 yard out with three opportunities, that's pretty abysmal.

Honestly, if Le'Veon Bell has those hops we're seeing in that picture there, why not just have him leap over the line?

This section brought to you by #EveryoneIsAnOffensiveCoordinatorOnTheInternet.

4) Wild Card.
wildcard

I'm almost all out of ideas, so use your imaginations.

5) Shut up about the Ben trade rumors...
zeroeffs

I don't want to be the asshole here, guys, but if you're still talking about this, you're only encouraging it.

It's only a story if you continue to allow it to be one.

Let it go.

It's gonna be ok, I promise.

I'll send you a hug.

allovercj

And, there you have it, you guys.

I don't think it's any secret that every game has been, and will continue to be a must win for the Steelers.

As Ben described it after the game, they wanted to be 1-0 after Sunday, and they were.

Now, they're back to 0-0, and next up is Jason Campbell and the Browns.

steelerjesus

After the game this past Sunday, Ike Taylor explained the team's approach to the second half as - "We had a sloppy first half, so let's shut it all down and ball out in the second half."

Here's to hoping that's the way they plan on approaching the six games left in the second half of the SEASON as well.

So far, it seems like it could be.

allenint

General reactions, tempered enthusiasm and/or unbridled elation in the comments.

bencelebrate

Here we go.

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

 
OMG, U GUYZ...
Written by Cotter   
November 17, 2013 16:36
holyshit

Still not totally sure what just happened at Heinz Field, but WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Just when you thought they were going to outdo themselves in ineptitude, enter the second half Steelers.

2ndhalf

Gotta give it up for the Steelers today, they stuck to their game, and they reminded everyone that NFL football games are four quarters, and 60 minutes.

Game balls all around, but big time game balls to Ben Roethlisberger and Antonio Brown in particular.

benumad

29/45 for 367 yards and FOUR touchdowns for Ben (sidebar - trade him).

abscoring

7 catches for 147 yards and TWO touchdowns for Tone.

Don't look now, but that's two in a row...


4-6, heading out to 4-6 Cle-heave-land next Sunday to battle for 2nd place (sidebar - LOLRavens) in the AFC North.



Full recap to come, but enjoy it, you guys.

bellcray

HERE WE GO!!!

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

 
A Whole Different Animal...
Written by Cotter   
November 16, 2013 17:07


Alright, listen, I'm way late here, trying to pull this thing together in hours when it usually takes me days.

So, let's get right to it.

Thankfully, we capitalized on the fact that we played the Bills offense last week, but not without some pretty significant sacrifice on our part.

At this point, pretty much anyone with a hat should be taking reps along the O-line, because...
injuriesargh

And obviously we also lost Shamarknado and sack leader/one of only four Steelers who have more than one sack, LaMarr Woodley, which should help us against a Lions line that as we'll touch on, is harder to penetrate than [insert whatever unsavory end to this statement you want, here...be creative].

Fact is, while we netted a pretty decisive triumph over Buffalo last week, the Lions are a whole different animal, literally and figuratively.

Unlike the 3-7, last place Bills, the Lions are 6-3, and currently sitting atop the NFC North.

They have the 3rd best passing offense in the league, and the Matt Stafford to Calvin Johnson connection has probably never been stronger.

It honestly shouldn't surprise you if our boy Megatron doesn't come out the other side of this game with over 1000 yards on the season through only 10 games.

Defensively, the Lions aren't exactly shocking anyone who hasn't been kicked in the junk by Ndamukong Suh...


But they have more than enough talent to be dangerous.

I guess what I'm trying to say can be summed up by the gif of the 2013 season...
noclue

Which pretty much isn't going to change at any point this year, just in case you're wondering.

So, forgive me for not offering any more inspiring words here, but frankly, there is a time for fanaticism, and there's a time for pragmatism.

And when your team has had more injuries than games played, well, you get the idea.

Anyway, like I said...


No time to get cute.

Let's just dive right into the 2013 Lions and I'll see y'all on the flipside.

Catch me if you can...

Quarterback:
staffordlion

Dude, I gotta be honest, I think I might have seriously underestimated Matt Staph-lord.

I guess when a guy hasn't ever played in a single big game (unless you consider one wild card game two years ago, "big"), it's easy to overlook whatever successes he may or may not have enjoyed.

That, or this is just the kind of thing that happens when have your head up your ass and couldn't care less about the NFC anyhow.

Either way, who knew this guy held actual NFL records?

staffstats

Or that he was already gunning for the Lions franchise record in passing yards, only five years into his career.

what

I'm still not sure whether that says more about him or the Lions' shitty QBs (where have you gone, Joey Harrington and/or Dan Orlovsky), but hey, a franchise record is a franchise record, and the Lions are one of the oldest franchises in the league.

Of course, with Megatron to throw to, it's entirely possible that a one-armed baboon could break the Lions franchise passing record, but I guess I'll have to assume they're paying this guy more than handsomely for some reason.

That said, he needed just 287 yards last Sunday to realize the record, and he threw for 219.

Which, of course, means that with just 68 yards to go, he's pretty much inevitably going to set a Lions record in our house on Sunday.

Well, I say f*#k that.

ohhellno

Troy, Ryan (**cringes**), Ike, Billy, Cortez...


Fat Stafford is on notice.

Running Back:
Bush

Here's a list of names Kim Kardashian might have given her child had Reggie Bush sired it instead of Yeezy:

> Flat Bush
> Pricker Bush
> Rose Bush
> Australian Bush
> Burning Bush
> Am Bush
> Ba Bush-ka
> Abirdinthehandisworthtwointhe Bush
> Dontbeataroundthe Bush
> George W. Bush
> Joique Bell

As for his football prowess, this guy is averaging 5 yards a carry and has caught the 2nd most passes for the 2nd most yards, behind only the mythical beast they call Megatron.



Can't stop the shining.

Wide Receivers:


Easiest and most glaringly obvious section of the preview here.

megastats

Stop the Megatron, stop the Lions.

Tight End:
pride

Brandon Pettigrowapair.

pettidrops

And whatever Joseph Fauria is.
faur

Besides a sociopath.

Offensive Line:
theseguys

Riley Reiff, Rob Sims, Domonic Raiola, Larry Worford, Jason Fox.

10 sacks allowed in 9 games.

10 sacks.

insane

With a backfield that has Reggie Bush and/or Joique Bell in it.

And half of them came in one game, so it's really that plus 5 sacks in 8 games

whaaaaaaat

If I had to guess where Ben might want to go if he was traded, all I'm saying is perhaps Detroit would seem like a welcomed change of pace.

crackbus

As long as you don't mind the ever-present threat of HIV.

Or wait, that's Baltimore.

Whatever.

Defensive Line:


Ezekiel Ansah, Ndamukong Suh, Nick Fairley, Willie Young.

Responsible for 12 out of the Lions 15 total sacks, and holding down the 8th best run defense in the league.

But it's not really either of those things I'd be worried about if I was Ben Roethlisberger and the Steelers offense.

suhstomp

Rumor has it that the Detroit Opera plans on giving Ndamukong Suh a part in its production of the Nutcracker this Christmas without an audition.

Linebackers:
dancingprimates

DeAndre Levy, Stephen Tulloch, Ashlee Palmer.

DeAndre Levy...
delevyints

And here I thought a Linebacker having the same number of INTs as his entire Secondary unit counterparts was just a Steelers type of thing.

By the way, just so we're clear - yes, DeAndre Levy does lead the entire NFL in INTs.

Stephen Tulloch...


AKA for whom the Le'Veon Bell tolls.

And Ashlee Palmer...


Thank God Ashlee Simpson's reign of terror lasted about as long as her marriage.

Rashean Mathis:




Need I say more?

Head Coach:


Jim Schwartz is my spirit animal.

The floor is yours, Timothy.

Tim's Tea Party:
Well folks, two things happened this past Sunday that most would call miracles:

1. The Steelers won.
2. I avoided getting divorced.

ttp1

You may remember that these two are interrelated as my wife is a Bills fan. And she decided to spend the day with her parents. This way I avoided putting my foot in my mouth and getting relegated to sleeping on the couch. Not much to say last week other than the fact that LeBeau is a mastermind…especially when it comes to rookie QBs who have only played like two games due to injury. Coming in this week, The Ferocious Lions?!

ttp2

I’m just as shocked as you are that I actually typed ferocious preceding the Lions. For years this team has been the doormat every other NFL team could mark as an easy win on the schedule. But a few years of solid drafting and having the best WR in football
...
megatronus

will improve any team. Reasons to be optimistic about this game: The Steelers are 3-0 against the Lions since 2001 and have won 7 of their last 8 against them. The last time they lost happened on Thanksgiving due to shitty referees not paying attention to something as astoundingly complicated as a coin toss...


I know you’re thinking you need to have a PhD in paying attention in order not to screw up the coin toss. What can I tell you? That ref must have majored in drinking...
ttp4

I’m back to doing stats this week, and since Calvin Johnson is coming to town, I thought I’d look at a defensive passing stat: DVOA of Teams vs. the nos. 1, 2, and 3 WRs as well as the Tight End. The Steelers rank 22nd, 28th, 3rd, and 22nd in the NFL respectively. What does this all mean? In simple terms, it means that the Steelers aren’t very good at covering receiving options, especially on big and/or meaningful plays. If you have Calvin Johnson in Fantasy you start him because I fully expect this to happen...
ttp5

Also, the Steelers won’t have an oft-injured rookie QB to chase around this week; they are facing Matthew Stafford. Sure he used to be turnover prone (key words: "used to be"), but he’s settled in at the position and even took the Lions to the playoffs...
ttp6

My word of advice for the Steelers: drop all 11 guys into coverage. That’s not ideal for the run D, but at least it should keep the Lions from throwing for over 4,000 yds and 15 TDs on Sunday. That’s just my thought as I’m not the defensive coordinator. 

There’s no beautiful segue into this next section so I’m just going to jump right in.

A few weeks ago I discussed the Steelers being high enough in the draft to get Jadaveon Clowney. Well, they don’t look like they will be high enough to draft him, but I fully expect a top 10 pick. Who’s next on my list?


ttp7

Offensive tackle Jake Matthews from Texas A&M.

He plays in the SEC, protects this ugly bastard...

ttp8

and has NFL DNA as his father is a HOFer. He’s also related to Clay Matthews. The Steelers will definitely need to have a top 10 pick (possibly higher) to land this guy. He also has to hold his blocks a long time as his QB is known as a guy who holds onto the ball in order to make big plays…where have I heard this statement before?

ttp9

Well that’s it for me.

And remember - drinking tea is classy, so pinky up bitches!


Dude, throw out whatever stats you want...if you have Calvin Johnson in fantasy and you don't start him every week he's playing, I don't know what you're doing with your life.

Now, here's this week's miscellaneous items to tie it all together.

Miscellaneous:

1) Finally found the best gif on the internet.
slaterman

Well, are you cool, man?

2) 8-8 could mean a playoff berth.
giorgioafc

The irony of the AMERICAN Football Conference being so mediocre should not be lost on anyone.

3) Robocop may have run Detroit...
thelaw

But in Pittsburgh, we've got our own long, robotic arm of The Law.

4) Dramatic reenactment of me writing this preview a day before the game.
billmurraymeme

Hopefully it didn't suck too much.

5) It's so cold in the P (er, B?).
todaysforecast

Hurricane Troy's coming for you, Matthew.


So, guys, let's not kid ourselves.

Last week the Steelers managed to cockslap a team with a rookie QB who had just come back after missing multiple weeks with a knee ligament injury, and a wide receiving corps consisting of hot garbage and pocket lint.

The Lions may not be an unstoppable force, but they're 6-3, with plenty of talent on both sides of the ball.

And even outside of that, every play this season is like a mini Super Bowl for the Steelers as it is.

But don't sleep on us just because we're 3-6 and thinner than Ryan Clark's skin at pretty much every position on the field.

steelerjesus

Here's to hoping we string together multiple wins for the 2nd time this year.
 


Predictions, reactions, and smack in the comments (again, not holding my breath).

See you guys Sunday at approximately 1300 hours.

hwgsteelers

Exactly.

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

 
Meeting People Is Easy...
Written by Cotter   
November 16, 2013 12:46
_MPIE10.2

Hola amigos and amigas.

It's Saturday, which can only mean one thing.

No, who cares about college football.

I'm talking about Meeting People Is Easy.

You've got another epic field of panelists coming at you this week, with a generous helping of new blood to go along with some of the most notorious ringers in MPIE lore.

Everyone knocked it out of the park as usual, so allow me to introduce you to your talented, not to mention handsome, lineup:

1) Josh
2) Matt
3) Sean
4) Paul
5) Kevin
6) Andrew
7) Shawn
8) Jim
9) Keith
10) Me

Here's the part where I tell you that I always love having newcomers on the panel, so if you ever want to step up and let your voice be heard, hit me via email and/or Twitter and we'll do the damn thing.

Now, on with the show.

As always, click to enlarge...
Thanks as ever to this week's field of champions.

You guys did me proud, as if there was any doubt.

Still working on a Lions preview as we speak.

Hectic week personally and professionally.

Check back later on or tomorrow morning and I should have some words on these cats that you can kill a few thousand brain cells reading.

Until then, a friend with beers, is a friend to cheers.

Fingers crossed we shock the world in our house again tomorrow.

beer

Here we go.

If you haven't already, become a fan of OFTOT on Facebook, and follow Cotter on Twitter. Or don't. Your choice, really.

 
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