Hey, remember last Wednesday when I told you I didn't have time to post then, but I'd get something up later on?
Guess what?
Now is later on.
Sorry about that. I had some serious heavy lifting to do at the end of last week, and let's face it, all I missed were some unfortunate celebrity deaths anyhow, right?
So it all works out.
The good news is, I plan to atone for the significant lag in posting by offering you plenty of crap you've probably already seen this morning.
Here's how this is going to go - sad news, awesome memories, random hilarity. In that order.
Got it?
So, the sad news...
As you've undoubtedly already heard, legendary TV pitchman and McKees Rocks native Billy Mays died yesterday. Of course, this, coupled with the recent deaths of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson has left everyone wondering which celebrity will be next. My hope is that it's Paris Hilton. But that's neither here nor there.
Billy Mays was a hell of a spokesman. If you don't remember, he was perhaps most famously the personality who endorsed OxiClean. But he was also involved with the Zorbeez and my personal favorite, the Awesome Auger (among others)...
Mikey and Big Bob from the Morning Freakshow have started a petition to get Billy onto the Primanti's Wall of Fame - thus immortalizing him properly at a legendary Pittsburgh mainstay. I have already signed, and I urge you all to do the same...that is, if the spirit moves you.
RIP Billy. It should've been ShamWow Vince...
Anyways, now that you've all dried your tears, it's on to the awesome memories.
For some reason, I stumbled upon some message board on CBS Sportsline talking about the top 10 moments from the Steelers 2008-2009 season. At first I thought, "man, this dude really nailed it" (followed shortly thereafter by, "what the hell am I doing on a message board?"). Then I realized he was just reposting the text from Gerry Dulac's article back in February. Not that it really mattered, because either way, an idea was spawned...
So because, A) Who doesn't wanna relive all that glory, and B) I have nothing better planned, below are videos of as many of the top 10 moments as I could find.
Not a bad trip down memory lane on a Monday morning.
Am I wrong?
Here you go...
10. Troy Polamalu's one-handed interception Nov. 16 vs. San Diego
Personally, I would've thought this would rank higher. I mean, I don't think I've ever seen anyone make a grab like that. But then, I guess it didn't mean as much to the outcome of that game as some of these other moments did.
9. Hines Ward's 8-yard TD catch with 1:53 left Oct. 5 in Jacksonville Couldn't find any video of this one, but if you do, leave that shit in the comments.
8. Ben Roethlisberger 6 for 6 on final drive to beat San Diego Nov. 16 See #9
7. Five takeaways on five consecutive possessions Nov. 30 in New England It's tough to really find one video showing five consecutive turnovers. So instead, perhaps an even more memorable moment from that Patriots game...
6. Holmes' 67-yard TD punt return vs. San Diego in AFC playoffs
I kind of wish this one was higher on the list due to its sheer degree of awesomeness. But frankly, does it really matter where any of these rank? They're all pretty much of equal bad assedness in my mind.
How sick was it to watch Deshea's old balls snatch that rock out of the air and return it for six and the win, right after Big Ben connected with Heath Miller for a game tying TD? I'll answer my own question - it was swine flu level sickening.
4. Troy Polamalu's 40-yard TD interception return in AFC championship game
What can I say about this that the video doesn't already say for me?
I love you, Troy Polamalu.
3. Holmes' 4-yard TD catch to clinch division title Dec. 14 in Baltimore
Ravens fans are undoubtedly still menstrual over this. Of course now that the Steelers beat the Ravens for the AFC Championship and went on to win the Super Bowl, it no longer should matter. And yet...we all know the pissy demeanor of Ravens fans just won't allow that to happen. Whatevs.
Too bad I couldn't find a better video of that catch.
Maybe if the camera hadn't caught SARS from being in Baltimore...anyways.
2. James Harrison's 100-yard TD interception return in Super Bowl XLIII
Well, it was either going to be #1 or #2 and seeing as how the #1 moment is well, you damn well know what the #1 moments is, so...
1. Santonio Holmes' 6-yard touchdown catch in Super Bowl XLIII
There are probably still people in America (read: Seacocks fans) who think this wasn't a TD. Let it go, guys. Let it go.
Santonio Holmes is my hero.
And that does it for Gerry's top 10 moments list, although I think he may have missed this one below for whatever reason. So, for your own edification...
I think that's one of my all time favs.
Now, before I get to the final YouTube of the day, I figured I'd do something positive around this place and give you some links to explore...
I trust you'll give them the proper 5-10 second read they all deserve...
The internets latest gimmick site - E-mails from an Asshole. Big h/t to Marc for bringing this one to my attention! [E-mails from an Asshole]
And finally, for some reason I was recently reminded of this YouTube gem that you may or may not have seen before. If you've never seen it, all I can tell you is potheads have really gotten enterprising in the 21st century. That and you probably want to listen to this one using headphones or at a low volume. They say bad words, **GASP**...
So, like I mentioned in the intial, abbreviated post, the Steelers signed Max Starks to a new, four-year contract this afternoon.
The deal, which will keep Starks in black and gold until I'm at least 31, is reportedly worth $26.3 million, $10 million of which is guaranteed.
Like him or not, you can't really deny that Max Starks was a valuable commodity last season.
He may not have been pro bowl caliber, but when Marvel Smith remembered he had the back of a 78-year old, Starks was there to fill his shoes ably.
And most importantly, this puts some dollars back in the Steelers pocket - something they really needed.
Nevertheless, I'm sure there are some of you out there thinking that this is too much money, that they should have kept him around for the season and then let him go - in favor of someone unproven, that you have no idea how to get that tampon out of your butt - whatever the case may be.
Either way, at least now I can use my time to create even more ridiculous photoshops involving his huge ass...
Which is very clearly a WIN.
Tony Hills? Who knows.
Jason Capizzi? Who knows.
At least we have an idea of what we can expect from Max Starks.
Also, balls.
Sorry, that's all I've got today. It's been a rough offseason...
Now that you've had a few days to drink in the new design and technology that is not altogether more progressive than that of my 1997 Toyota Camry, I hope you all feel at home here.
With that out of the way, I'm going to try and do my best to explain how this all works, but really the best way to figure it out is to just roll up your sleeves and go to town.
...that's what she said...
Anyways, here's what I think you need to know...
1. You should not have to register to comment, but you do have to register to be part of the Forum. And listen, I fully recognize that the whole notion of a forum sounds super fruity. But I'm hoping that, especially now - in the absence of anything post-worthy, we can use this thing to talk about anything and everything, whether it be Steelers news or the random list of movie quotes that sometimes used to find it's way into the comments on the old OFTOT.
2. I fixed the layout of the Forum, but that meant eliminating the left sidebar on all forum pages. So now there are several fewer pages on which to ignore all that crap. My guess is none of you will mind.
3. I can now ban people. And if you think for a second I'm not going to exercise this right, vested in me by the power of Joomla, and ultimately the father of the internets as we know them, Al Gore, you're dead wrong. Mostly, this power will be reserved for use against Ravens fans, should they ever locate the internet, but any references to Brett Favre may also put you at risk.
4. If you've registered for the site, you'll see that you have a nice little user menu on your left when you login. Since I finally got wise to that thing yesterday, you now have options there to change your avatar and your profile details. The other thing is - right now, when you login it will take you to some random page thanking you for signing in. To get back to the main area of the site, just click on the Steely McDevil button (which actually will always take you to the home page)...That one may have been relatively self-explanatory, but better safe than sorry - just ask any of Travis Henry's 57,000 children.
5. Speaking of avatars - anything you upload will automatically be re-sized to 100 x 100 pixels. So, in order to save yourself several minutes of anguish while trying to figure out why your picture looks like a Picasso painting, I recommend you re-size it before you upload it.
6. Doug is gay.
7. I don't really know how the RSS coming out of this monster is going to look. So if you're someone who likes to subscribe to blogs in your Google reader (like me), I can make no guarantees that it won't be a mess to rival the Cleveland Browns franchise.
8. I have no idea how to tag posts on here. But now that I think about it, how many times have you ever used a tag to look for things on a blog? I think I can count my answer on less hands than it takes to count the number of Steelers Super Bowl rings. HEYO!
9. Sorry, lost my train of thought...
10. Any other issues, questions, concerns, miscellaneous gripes or sexual propositions, please deposit them in the comments and I shall address them as appropriate.
Now, without further blabbering, here are some links to compensate you for having read all of what is above (or for being smart enough to scroll down straight to the links)...
A bad ass Sid pic to commemorate the Pens season [PSAMP]
According to Bruce Arians, only 19 out of the 46 sacks Big Ben took last year were the line's fault... [Fanhouse]
A Steelers fan engagement story...I'm glad the groom-to-be was more successful than the Steelers that weekend... [DC Nearlyweds]
The Steelers signed Mike Wallace, Ra'Shon Harris and AQ Shipley on Friday [AP]
And with David Johnson being signed yesterday, it's down to Kraig Urbik, and Ziggy Hood [Trib]
Lendale White -- "I've seen the big Ben Roethlisberger sandwich on TV. So if anybody wants to freeze it and send one over, I'll be more than happy to eat it." Shocker... [ESPN]
Little does Giselle know, Tom Brady's already injecting her uterus with HGH... [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
I find it rather ironic that last week, that clown from the Cleveland Plain-Dealer pointed to the Browns decision to hire Bill Belichick over Bill Cowher as showing that they've always had good judgment, and yet, this week, Bernie Kosar's claiming that when he told the Browns to re-hire Belichick in 1998, they "laughed at [him]" and "ridiculed [him]" [Shutdown Corner]
And about that article from last week - Vern delivered on his promise...if you only read one link today, I suggest this be it [You Lay On The Ice Like A Broad]
I believe the answer you're looking for is "absolutely" [Moondog Sports]
Last offseason, Chad Johnson raced a horse. This offseason, he apparently wants to fight Solomon Wilcotts [Twitter]
Honestly, I know High School football is serious business and everything, but let's not forget, it's still HIGH SCHOOL football...health first [Grumpy Old Dog]
Pedro Alvarez was promoted to Altoona, but that doesn't mean you can necessarily ignore the 70 strikeouts in 284 at bats... [WHYGAVS]
The pot calls the kettle black, and a derogatory term for homosexual... [The Superficial]
Apparently, starting next year, all NJ drivers under the age of 21 will have to put a bumper sticker on their car letting everyone know they're young and dangerous...Because the only dangerous drivers in NJ are under 21... [Trib]
Mondays are a horrible day to try and be witty. Not that I ever am or anything, but I'm not even going to attempt to be right now. Sorry.
I'll write up some sort of post for tomorrow. Probably a link dump and/or some guidelines for using this new apparatus of a site you are currently enjoying (or hating, as the case may be).
In the meantime, cool your nerves with the beats of Maticulous (more commonly known round these parts as "Matt"), below. This is a track Matt did for NYC's own, Brown Bag All Stars, and it's called "Dumbin' Out."
Oh yeah, and for you Pens fans, this Eddy Spagetti "I'm on A Boat" parody, appropriately titled, "I Won The Cup," is way beyond awesome. I highly recommend you give it a listen.
Well, this is it. The new OFTOT. I'm sure by now, your mind is well beyond blown. Which, coincidentally, is a feeling that's not altogether new to me since it's pretty much the same effect that I have on women...
I mean, no.
Anyways, yes, this IS the new OFTOT.
It's got all sorts of slick features that are really web 2.0.
You know, like a forum.
I mean, if that doesn't scream 2009, I don't know what does.
So I hope you all like it.
I'll get to providing some indication of how to use it on Monday-ish, but in the meatime, feel free to poke around and explore. And if you're really lucky, maybe Doug or Tiny350z will give you the grand tour.
Just as an aside - as you may notice, I've yet to populate certain areas. So there will definitely be some changes in the coming days, weeks, etc. And I've yet to port over any of the old posts from the old digs, which hopefully will happen in the near future when I find someone with a PC who can help me out. But if you have suggestions, feel free to email my ass. I'm always open to hear what you all have to say. In fact, I encourage it!
As for today's MPIE, I'm pretty sure there isn't much I need to tell you. Our panelist is a fantastic bunch - perfectly suited for the inaugural post on the new OFTOT.
So I'm not even going to beat around the bush. It's late, and I've spent a good amount of time photoshopping. Not to mention plenty of other nerd shit preparing this beast for public consumption.
This shouldn't be much different than normal, except that as you'll notice, the imagery is infinitely slicker thanks to something foreign to blogger - plugins.
Not only can you find a site catering to just about any interest, but it has now become such a pervasive medium that athletes and celebrities are regularly leveraging it's awesome power in ways that are usually more or less brilliant revenue generators.
And here I am blogging for free.
What can you do?
Anyways, yesterday the internets were quite a boon for me, as a lowly Steelers blogger. So as a result, I have several interesting tidbits to share with you this morning...beginning with Jeff Reed...because, why not?
ITEM #1...
If you want a glimpse of the Super Bowl XLIII ring up close, check out Jeff Reed on Fox Charlotte's "Got Game" segment. This is the same segment in which he relates that when the Steelers went to the White House to meet Obama, he forgot he was a team captain...which should surprise no one.
And if you just can't get enough of Jeff Reed, and I know you can't, in clip 2 he talks about watching the Pens win the cup, the pressure of being an NFL kicker, and he reveals his stylish new haircut.
Thankfully for everyone at Fox Charlotte, it appears their bathroom was chock full of paper towels.
Otherwise, shit could've gotten real ugly.
Moving on...
ITEM #2...
Earlier in the week, thanks to The Pensblog, I thought I had found a new ringtone...
I'd give you the High Quality version of that, but we all know it doesn't exist.
Big PM has given us eight fantastic tones to choose from - including such gems as - "Gotta Score This Touchdown," "Hey Yo Homeboy," and "You Screening Your Calls Now?"
Conspicuously missing were "Because I Got High," "Smoke Two Joints," and "I Saw The Sign."
I'd say something else about this, but honestly, they're ringtones...I've got nothing.
ITEM #3...
Chuck Norris ain't got shit on Samurai Big Ben.
Also, notice the lack of helmet, there. .../I'm a terrible Steelers fan
And lastly...
If OFTOT looked like this for you at any point yesterday, I apologize.
I've mentioned blogger/blogspot's shortcomings before, but never has anything quite like the entire site showing up in italics happened.
...I'm so happy to be finally getting off this shithole.
Which reminds me - I'll be [tentatively] unveiling the "new" OFTOT tomorrow for Meeting People Is Easy. But, since I make it a point never to be like Anthony Smith, I can't guarantee that.
Until then, email me if you want in on MPIE, OR if you'd like to contribute to the "Cotter is broker than the City of Detroit and writes this thing for free" fund.
The wait is over The photoshop is done I'm somewhat exhausted But the battle's been won
Ok, you know you something's really gone awry when you start writing bad poetry to introduce Meeting People Is Easy.
Shameful.
That'll teach me NOT to write down the first thing that pops into my head.
Anyways, after a somewhat extended respite, the great MPIE has made a triumphant return. And with it, comes several new panelists with whom you may or may not already be familiar.
They are (in order of appearance)...
1. DrinkYourMilkshake ~ The man responsible for Behind The Steel Curtain's Daily Six Pack, the brain trust behind yesterday's emotionally disturbing photoshop of AQ Shipley and Kraig Urbik spooning, and an all around exemplary individual. Oh yeah, and I heard he did a mean rendition of Beastie Boys at karaoke last night. Send video if you have it. Follow this crazy asshole on Twitter, here.
2. laclips ~ The illustrious editor of This Is Getting Old, a big time Pens, Pirates and Penn State fan, and a fellow music lover. Anyone who has the foresight to use the Pearl Jam dude as their avatar is +1 in my book. Follow this pinball wizard on Twitter, here.
3. Kristin ~ The editor of KB Toys With..., a rabid Eagles fan, and yet, miraculously, also my girlfriend. She may have an unhealthy obsession with Brian Westbrook, but I take solace in the fact that I'm a solid eight inches taller than that joke (ok, like four...but who's counting?). And hey, at least she's not a Ravens fan. Plus, she's insanely cute and consistently makes me laugh. So I'm willing to overlook her misguided fandom...Follow the yin to my yang on Twitter, here.
In addition to our MPIE rooks, you'll also read comedic stylings from the likes of...
The inimitable - John Woods My go-to political commentator - Grumpy The Octomom's #1 hater - Tiny350Z My brother in the bonds of old school Metallica love - Steve The soon to be half marathon king - Marc You may also know him as Maticulous - Matt Possibly MPIE's greatest supporter (or perhaps apologist) - Noah Apparently he's kind of a big deal in Taiwan - Sean I think he might be a Pens fan but I can't be sure - Tecmo And, of course, my dumb ass
So, I believe all that's left is for you to read this week's panel's answers to this week's burning questions.
Which I urge you to do...now.
And enjoy!
Click to enlarge...
I have to admit, I can't really count this post among my better work...
Whatever, wake me up when it's time for happy hour...I'll meet you all at the bar.
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